Nice Guys Don’t Last!

By Joy Isi Bewaji

I was playing ‘agony aunt’ last weekend to Jimi, a 29 year old dude who was crying all over his trousers. He had lost his girlfriend to another man – her ex! Jimi and Chichi started dating last year, he believed everything was going well; in fact he was planning to propose only a week before she went back into the arms of her ex. In his own words: ‘I cannot believe she’d leave me and go back to that man; he wouldn’t treat her as well as I would.’

I asked about the sex, if it was good; well, he said it was. As a woman, he wanted me to ‘interpret’ Chichi’s behaviour. ‘Maybe she is just upset with me…maybe she’ll come back…oh God I can’t breathe…how can I get her back?’

It was pathetic really, watching Jimi; this is just not the picture we want to see of our men.
I know what you are thinking – women complain about men who hit them, yet they can’t stand the ‘nice’ brother. Let’s just say they are two extremes, and extremes are usually not appealing.

The problem with being a man like Jimi is that he wears his ‘weaknesses’ on his sleeves; women are never attracted to weakness and that makes Jimi an unattractive male. Period!

It doesn’t matter how many times you enliven her weekends, how many gifts you buy her, or how many times you confess you love her, women want ‘men’, not someone who reminds them of their girlfriends. Every woman is hoping for a man who can fill her days with passion and a sense of adventure.
When a woman decides to marry a ‘nice’ guy, it could be that she’s tired of the wait, or he has lots of money. It is hard for a woman to feel genuine attraction for a man that doesn’t exactly act like one.

Now, I don’t mean pig-headed, violent, brash and aggressive male (remember I said that is another extreme that women find unattractive); I’m talking about a man – a protector; a provider; a lover; a friend; the one who knows when to stop your fiery temper with just a look or (even) silence; the one who exercises his authority thoroughly but calmly; the one who knows his strength is not in his fist but in his head; that’s a man! And that is the kind of man women fall head over heels in love with, not the whimpering weakling or the aggressive moron!
Some guys feel the need to idolize their women; truth is idolatry is a bad thing. It makes one a god, and the other a foot stool! See? I know what you must have heard, and poor Jimi must have heard it all the time – ‘adore your woman and she’ll never leave you.’

Yes, please adore your woman; just make sure the ‘adoration’ is going to her heart and not her head! And how do you divert it to the heart? Say it as genuinely as possible with your head held high like a king who admires his queen, and not like the orderly who drools over his ‘madam’. There’s a difference; and with guys like Jimi, they just don’t see the difference!

Even if women are not consciously aware of it, it bothers us when a man who is interested in a relationship acts ‘too nice’. Shocking, isn’t it? Well, I totally believe in the fact that women do not find the drooling, fidgety, love-struck brother any attractive.
The issue with nice guys is they don’t know when to stamp the foot down and demand for some kind of ‘order’ in their relationship. They fret, argue, even cry along with their women when there’s trouble. So the woman leaves the ‘nice’ guy because she needs a man not another girlfriend, and ends up with the brother who seems a little distracted but isn’t exactly in the habit of veneration.

Nice guys finish last because they are quite emotional in a showy way. He wants to be her good friend, listen to her worries, and share her ups and her downs. Sounds romantic, doesn’t it? So why would a woman leave all of that to be with some other guy? I can’t sincerely answer that question, but one thing I do know is attraction is a force, and people like the whirlwind that comes with it, no matter how fleeting. Young adults want romance that rides as rough and exciting as a bull with all the adrenaline rush!

Jimi goes on to tell me that maybe he should have told her how much she means to him. ‘Maybe if I told her she means the world to me, may be she’d stay.’

Now seriously, ask yourself: what do you feel for Jimi?

Pity. That is exactly how this chick must feel too. Nobody wants to date another because of ‘pity’. It’s an emotion deprived of any self-respect.

If his focus is on getting her back, it will not only lessen his chances, but it will also keep him from moving on in his own life, which is actually the most important thing to do right now. Ironically, the best chance of getting her back is not to try at all. Instead, date other women; make yourself scarce in her life, and make yourself happy!

If he stays in touch, he becomes as annoying as a housefly, and she’ll feel the urge to slap him off, just like we do houseflies and mosquitoes.

Jimi cries, ‘ok, if I can’t get her to be my girl again, at least we can still be friends.’

You wonder if this dude has any self-worth at all! His loss is almost causing him cataract, he can barely see any fault in this chick. We shouldn’t be too quick to forget that she left him for her ex! What can be more sacrilegious! And as it is, he’d gladly lick her feet if she walks into the room that moment. Pathetic!

‘Jimi, be a man!’ I say. I know it’s a cliché but I was totally stunned by his weakness.

People would like to throw a word at the girl, but I don’t blame her; Jimi is just one of those guys that you cannot trust to ever be a man!

I doubt if Jimi’s girl left for no other reason than the fact that there was a void she wanted a real man to fill.

My advice to Jimi is to stop calling his ex. Stop responding to her quickly. Stop being her friend. Move on and stop being so available. Stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself and start dating other women; or better yet, be on your own and learn how to be without a woman for awhile.

Attraction has its own totally illogical set of rules. Don’t try to understand it, you might end up frustrated. But whatever the case maybe, I finally got Jimi to agree not to cry when she calls; he should instead tell her plainly, ‘hey what’s up? I’d love to play catch-up but I’ve got a few things hanging. Let’s chat later.’

And ‘later’ would mean ‘never’.

Just so he feels good about himself after crying a river like a four year-old boy whose Ben10 toy has been stolen, I pat his back and tell him, ‘she doesn’t deserve you.’

I know that’s the worst line ever!

No related posts.

Tags: Dane, Dayo Ephraim, hip tv